We took Nehemiah to the psychologist. After our first visit I asked if there was some thing up with him or if we were just being weird. She said no, that he either has Asperger's or high functioning autism. Next week we have his I.Q test. That will take two hours. We also are going to have a long meeting with her to answer a bunch of questions. Its going to be a long process.
Right now I'm just so happy to be finally getting this taken care of. I'm sure later on I'll be upset. I know I've been upset about it before. As a parent you don't expect your child to have any thing wrong with them. You imagine your baby will grow and have friends and be happy and healthy. He is happy and healthy. He just doesn't get a lot of things and I'd like to be able to help him with that. Some times its frustrating because he also needs to have surgery to fix his ear. That will take a long time and be many many surgeries. So here this kids has some thing on the autism spectrum and he has to go through years worth of painful surgeries to fix his ear. Its rough for us knowing what he is going to have to endure. I don't like that.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Just Some Thoughts
My appointment went well yesterday. We talked a lot about Ken and I. She asks me pretty frequently if I've talked to Ken about one topic or another, most times the answer is yes. We talk about every thing. We are very open and honest with each other. I like that.
When I met with my doctor before Christmas we talked about my dad. I was able to talk about how he was abusive at times and I said it all very nonchalant. She asked what I thought about the things I was telling her because she thought they were shocking. I thought about it all that day and finally remembered how I used to feel. I used to feel so broken and abandoned. All I wanted was for him to be a loving Dad. He was never that Dad.
It's funny to me because my Mom will always talk about what an s.o.b he was. But when it comes to how he was with me, she says he wasn't that bad. With all the bad mouthing she did of him for the last 20 years, it just re enforced my opinion of him.
I know he wasn't all bad. I do remember a few good things. I did love him and once in a while I miss him. I some times wish he could have met my girls.
However, I know the kids are better off for not knowing him. Its just hard. Most people love their parents no matter how terrible they are.
When I met with my doctor before Christmas we talked about my dad. I was able to talk about how he was abusive at times and I said it all very nonchalant. She asked what I thought about the things I was telling her because she thought they were shocking. I thought about it all that day and finally remembered how I used to feel. I used to feel so broken and abandoned. All I wanted was for him to be a loving Dad. He was never that Dad.
It's funny to me because my Mom will always talk about what an s.o.b he was. But when it comes to how he was with me, she says he wasn't that bad. With all the bad mouthing she did of him for the last 20 years, it just re enforced my opinion of him.
I know he wasn't all bad. I do remember a few good things. I did love him and once in a while I miss him. I some times wish he could have met my girls.
However, I know the kids are better off for not knowing him. Its just hard. Most people love their parents no matter how terrible they are.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Progress II
ha ha ha...I was told I have PTSD today. yeah, I thought that was gone. I find it funny that after 18 years I still have it. crap, I didn't realize until I wrote that how long it had been. That is a long time to live with some thing. But it's not near as bad as it used to be. Now instead of freaking out and running away when men get to close, I stand there thinking of ways to hurt them and defend myself if I need too. That, my friends, is called progress.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Goals (not soccer)
I hate New Years resolutions. I find it annoying. Why do you wait until the beginning of the year to do things and make goals that you could do any time during the year? It doesn't make sense to me.
Ken and I often talk about what our goals are. However, we've been on hold in that department. With starting home school, having a baby, and dealing with this depression, we just haven't been able to make new goals yet.
On Sunday I was looking up recipes and stumbled across several new blogs. I was very excited. One was making $5 meals and another was about finances. It got me to thinking about the goals that we wanted to make. I was very excited. Ken and I talked for a couple of hours about how we want our lives to be and how to get there. I was inspired. I felt on fire. It was awesome.
Then Monday comes. I made goals for what I wanted to get done that day. I was still inspired. It was awesome. Then the kids woke up. They decided that I should have different goals for the day. Goals that didn't have any thing to do what my previous goals. ~sigh~ I went with it. I adjusted. Not well at first. I looked at the things I wanted to get done and wasn't going to be able to and I felt very overwhelmed. I was upset that things weren't going how I wanted them to.
Oh well. I have three kids and I home school. Things won't always go how I want them. I got over it and figured out what I could do instead. Not much got done that day. My goals were to fold and put away the 8 loads of laundry I'd done the day before, wash and put away more laundry, do dishes, pick up the living room and vacuum, and make dinner. I did get 4 loads of laundry done. None of the laundry was folded or put away. The living room didn't get picked up or vacuumed. We had pizza for dinner. I didn't go crazy. It was a good day.
Ken and I often talk about what our goals are. However, we've been on hold in that department. With starting home school, having a baby, and dealing with this depression, we just haven't been able to make new goals yet.
On Sunday I was looking up recipes and stumbled across several new blogs. I was very excited. One was making $5 meals and another was about finances. It got me to thinking about the goals that we wanted to make. I was very excited. Ken and I talked for a couple of hours about how we want our lives to be and how to get there. I was inspired. I felt on fire. It was awesome.
Then Monday comes. I made goals for what I wanted to get done that day. I was still inspired. It was awesome. Then the kids woke up. They decided that I should have different goals for the day. Goals that didn't have any thing to do what my previous goals. ~sigh~ I went with it. I adjusted. Not well at first. I looked at the things I wanted to get done and wasn't going to be able to and I felt very overwhelmed. I was upset that things weren't going how I wanted them to.
Oh well. I have three kids and I home school. Things won't always go how I want them. I got over it and figured out what I could do instead. Not much got done that day. My goals were to fold and put away the 8 loads of laundry I'd done the day before, wash and put away more laundry, do dishes, pick up the living room and vacuum, and make dinner. I did get 4 loads of laundry done. None of the laundry was folded or put away. The living room didn't get picked up or vacuumed. We had pizza for dinner. I didn't go crazy. It was a good day.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
