My appointment went well yesterday. We talked a lot about Ken and I. She asks me pretty frequently if I've talked to Ken about one topic or another, most times the answer is yes. We talk about every thing. We are very open and honest with each other. I like that.
When I met with my doctor before Christmas we talked about my dad. I was able to talk about how he was abusive at times and I said it all very nonchalant. She asked what I thought about the things I was telling her because she thought they were shocking. I thought about it all that day and finally remembered how I used to feel. I used to feel so broken and abandoned. All I wanted was for him to be a loving Dad. He was never that Dad.
It's funny to me because my Mom will always talk about what an s.o.b he was. But when it comes to how he was with me, she says he wasn't that bad. With all the bad mouthing she did of him for the last 20 years, it just re enforced my opinion of him.
I know he wasn't all bad. I do remember a few good things. I did love him and once in a while I miss him. I some times wish he could have met my girls.
However, I know the kids are better off for not knowing him. Its just hard. Most people love their parents no matter how terrible they are.
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