Doubts

I keep wondering if I really need to do this. Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem. Maybe I'm being dramatic. But then I have days were I hide from the kids (bath tub is a great place) or where I'm very frustrated for no apparent reason and yell a lot. I hate that. I'm much better when Ken is around but the sadness is always lurking just off in the distance. The worst that can happen is the person says that I have PPD or at best she says I'm fine. But if this is "fine" that worries me. ~sigh~

I wanted Ken to go with me to my first appointment. It required telling his step mom about it, which I didn't want to do but, we needed her to watch the kids. At first she said she was busy but later she said she could do it if we really needed her to. Turns out we need her to. Ken's boss said he could leave work at 2:00 but that doesn't give him enough time to get home and then for me to get to my appointment on time. The plan is for us to meet at his parents house, drop the two older ones off and then head over to the place.

I really don't want to hear from her how I've been needing to do this or that she's glad I'm going for help. I can only take support from certain people and coming from any where else can be annoying. Kinda feels more like empty words if that makes any sense. I like my step mother in law, she's nice and she loves the kids. She drive me nuts at times but she means well. Its just that this is very personal and I don't share things on that kind of level with them.

Time to fix my hair and figure out what we're going to do today. I'm glad its a holiday and we don't have to do school. Although Nehemiah's P.E class is meeting today. I haven't decided if I have the energy to take him. Being at a park with a bunch of other moms just seems overwhelming right now.